As previous comments said, we all have ups and downs, tough classes, bad semesters, emergencies and a lot more. We all learned to live with this reality.

There is another factor called your work history. If you were good for ten year and bad in the eleventh, it is a aberration (unless something else happened). When I was about 30 I was listening to people’s discussions without having a clue about the discussion. It was very frustrating until I realized that I was doing quite well for almost 30, how likely is it that I am a little slow on the up take? I realized that the people were clueless about their discussion. So, Brenda you are going to be fine.

This sounds like my first *eight* semesters at a certain place, and I never took a sick day–it was just a sick course, and sick courses never take off either, alas. The students were there at curricular bayonet point, I knew almost as little about the subject as they did, but the institutional issue wasn’t what anybody knew about anything. It was about billable hours at the credit hour mill. It “this-too” passed.

I did have one semester hollowed out for about four weeks by parental illness. I’d drive to parental manor, get things stabilized, drive back (hundreds of miles), see the phone light winking and not even unpack. Drive back. Repeat. My colleagues stepped in bigtime, and in one class, I recall that my evals actually spiked. Some students said wow, it must be tought for him, and graded accordingly. Others said, hoo-ray, I liked the substitute better anyway, and graded accordingly. Then it was summer. I’m glad my car didn’t get a vote.

The point, I guess, is that, yeah, the perceptions are always out of control when you’re under this kind of stress, and people are usually seeing things in better perspective than you are. None of my experiences of the sort, I have to say, were while adjuncting, although they were while untenured. It *would* be disturbing if Brenda’s colleagues, especially established members of the department, were not offering *some* kind of verbal support and reinforcement, under these circumstances. Even if they can’t jump out of their trenches into her trenches.

My worst teaching experience was the first time offering a class that had just been added to our degree requirements. There was an alternative for students who came in under the prior program but they had to actively seek it. I ended up with a group of students who failed to take advantage of the alternative and were angry as hell to be in my class. Every morning I walked into the classroom happy and ready to go. Every morning the angry club walked in a sucked all the oxygen out of the room. I had a job to do though and I found that after a while, the non-angry students were defending the course content to the angry ones. It was still a rough ride but I learned from that experience. Talking with more senior colleagues was helpful. They have seen pretty much everything before and even if they don’t have useful advice for your particular situation, sharing woes can be a bonding experience. At least, that is how it worked out for me.

It sounds like you have had a brutal semester by any standard. Like Quixote, I would second Historiann’s comment about student feedback. I think your students can empathize with your situation and will cut you a lot of slack, especially since you’ve already shown some understanding about their deadlines for the class.

Your letter to Historiann suggests to me that you are a capable colleague and professor. Remember the truly incompetent never question their own competence. Like Kenneth Lay, the truly incompetent sincerely believe they are the smartest people in the room. Based on the self-reflexive qualities of your letter, I’d say you are a competent and thoughtful. I bet your colleagues and students appreciate those qualities.

Finally, please treat yourself and your students with compassion. Sometimes things just don’t go as planned and there is nothing we can do about it. Hang in there, and the semester is going to be done in two weeks.

Best wishes,

Matt_L