Comments on: I just went gay all of a sudden! http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/ History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present Sun, 21 Sep 2014 12:24:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.2 By: How Will I Know How To Treat You If I Don’t Know What You Are? « tressiemc http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-1044514 Mon, 25 Jun 2012 05:37:23 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-1044514 [...] don’t think people deserve to necessarily know such things. A friend forwarded me a link to this blog where the writer does a much better job than I of explaining why that is [...]

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By: Dear Tenured Radical, : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-868168 Fri, 02 Sep 2011 15:34:40 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-868168 [...] can I go for a smart conversation about the cultural significance of Jo Calderone?  After all, I’m only a lesbian on the internets–and like most of your readers, my real life is much, much duller without [...]

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By: FrauTech http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-843196 Mon, 27 Jun 2011 20:56:52 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-843196 OMG! It starts again!

Thanks Historiann for writing about life and leaving out the motherhood. I, like TriPartite Academic above, am childless by choice. But I do not resent anyone’s decision to have kids, it’s just not for me. You wouldn’t know that from people’s reactions though who assume I hate children or hate mothers or hold motherhood against them.

I used to read a few family/work/life balance blogs written by women and found they quickly devolved into motherhood-only. That’s fine, I accept that being a parent is a large part of somebody’s life. But it’s nice to go somewhere and talk about work and our homes and who we are and not have someone trying to define themselves by their children or lack of children every minute of the day. Aren’t we individuals? I’m as a career-centric as most of the men (and women) I know but I get judged differently for it and it doesn’t seem to be a suitable “life” treated as fairly as “motherhood” is. So it’s nice to go somewhere and meet some like minded women and not talk about what our uteruses have been doing lately.

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By: mandor http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842648 Sun, 26 Jun 2011 04:26:43 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842648 I always thought if I were to send a not totally anonymous history blogger a t-shirt, if would be this one, but now I’m thinking maybe this one. Both are from the very awesome cartoonist Kate Beaton.

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By: Historiann http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842443 Sat, 25 Jun 2011 14:10:14 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842443 No, it’s not! It’s snark, but wev. I think you’ve summed it up nicely, ADM. I wonder how these families cope when a family member gets sick, or any other of life’s emergencies happen.

Looking after other people’s kids on occasion helps build up a community that one can go to when one needs a similar favor. But I think part of the ideology of the SAHM is that their labor is unique and uniquely valuable to their families, and having a friend or neighbor babysit occasionally undermines that belief. If just about anyone can do it, then their labor isn’t so special or valuable.

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By: ADM http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842422 Sat, 25 Jun 2011 12:16:01 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842422 also? “I’m sorry your feelings got hurt” is not an actual apology.

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By: ADM http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842386 Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:25:00 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842386 If you had said that taking care of kids shouldn’t be an excuse, I’d have understood the outrage. But you didn’t.

You said that a SAHM with four kids, whose husband has some sort of job where he has patients, i.e., some sort of medical professional, should not be able to beg off a constitutional responsibility because she didn’t get off her ass and get a sitter.

From where I sit, that’s perfectly in order. If you had said she had no excuse, even though she had said she tried and brought some sort of evidence to explain why finding care was a hardship, then I can see people getting all upset. There are all sorts of reasons a SAHM, or a working single mom (or dad) might have a hard time getting a sitter that should probably be taken into account. But people in shitty jobs have to lose pay to sit on juries, so it seems to me that people whose job is taking care of a house and kids might also expect to be inconvenienced.

The real issue here is not about whether finding a sitter is hard, or unreasonable.

The real issue here is that Historiann called out a woman for trying to dodge her responsibilities simply because she was a mother, and so should get some sort of special privileges. The point Historiann was making was not about whether or not the woman could get childcare. It was about the fact that this woman thought her SAH parenthood (and, I think, the class privilege that allows it) entitled her not even to try.

As an addendum on identity politics: Racefail 2009. Ugliest identity war I’ve seen so far. By the end of the first day, many US-based PoC, were telling PoC who had experienced racism differently because racial identity isn’t necessarily the same in Europe, Africa, and Asia than it is in the US, that they were doin it rong. American exceptionalism at its finest there.

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By: Z http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842276 Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:53:31 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842276 Yes to cgeye and also to anon. — great points — (you know, I feel now as though I’ve been in class all day and learned a bunch of important stuff).

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By: Historiann http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842264 Fri, 24 Jun 2011 21:46:17 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842264 How could I have forgotten Fannie and her fab Room? (Sorry, GF!)

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By: anonymous http://www.historiann.com/2011/06/23/i-just-went-gay-all-of-a-sudden/comment-page-2/#comment-842255 Fri, 24 Jun 2011 21:14:29 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=15695#comment-842255 (Sorry for the sidetrack back to the housekeeper conversation of last week.)

Anyway, yes, ECS had domestic help. She also engaged in public life, critiqued her husband’s lack of assistance from a feminist perspective, and used her frustration with his perspective and the freedom of the domestic help in order to push for a different vision.

She didn’t hide behind her children or her identity as a mother.

The insistence upon making the juror’s statement (counterfactually!) into a CLASS issue is bewildering.

Women in poverty, after all, don’t get to say they can’t work or comply with government requirements because they’re mothers.

Housekeepers and waitresses certainly don’t get to call in because they don’t have childcare.

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