Howdy, friends–I’m still in self-imposed blogland exile until I finish up some overdue work, but I thought I’d republish this post, which is one of my all-time favorites (and one of your all-time favorites too, if my sitemeter is to be trusted). As some of you longtime readers may remember, “Anger” was the first contribution to what became a fun series a few years ago, Lessons for Girls. I’m not just posting this today because I’m a lazy lazy-a$$ed lazypants lady who can’t get her work done on time (although it’s true)–some recent e-mail correspondance with a friend has suggested that it might be time for us to review our thoughts on and experiences with anger. (Note to friend: see especially the part about how “it’s okay to make other people angry.”)

Don't be a dip$hit!
If I wish I had learned one lesson earlier in life, it’s this: it’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to make other people angry, and anger can work for you. (Well, that might be three lessons, but I find it hard to disentangle them, so bear with me.)
It’s okay to be angry. Girls are subjected to an impressive load of anti-anger propaganda. Snow White and Cinderella, at least in the mid-century modern Disneyfield versions we’re stuck with today in U.S. popular culture, are both specifically praised for remaining sweet and good-natured in spite of the fact that they’re turned into indentured servants by their stepmothers. (There’s also a not-so-subtle implication that it’s their sweet natures that preserve their beauty–because anger is so aging, my dears!) What kind of a lesson is that for girls? If a child of mine were enslaved by an evil stepmother, I’d sure as hell want her to get pi$$ed off and fight back. But, anger is punished in girls from the beginning. An undergraduate student of mine recently complained that she’s not permitted to express anger. When she does, first she’s patronized and told that she really doesn’t mean what she’s saying, and when she insists that no, she really is angry, the reaction she gets from other people isn’t apology or rational discussion, it’s anger at her anger. (For more on this see below, “It’s okay to make other people angry.”)
I’ve got another version of Snow White’s story I like to tell: Continue Reading »