13th 2010
Tuesday round-up: Hell’s Bells edition!

Posted under: American history, art, bad language, class, European history, fluff, jobs, unhappy endings, weirdness

Come and git it!

It’s warm as hades here, although they say a storm might be brewing in the mountains later today.  I’ve got to get back to my day job–you know, the one that pays the bills?–but here are a few tidbits that might amuse you while I’m out:

  • A friend of mine is teaching La Divina Commedia this term, and found a quiz online that will tell you which circle of hell you’ll wind up in for eternity.  You can join Historiann in Limbo, with the virtuous un-believers (I’m shocked I rated that high!), or you could do worse.  Take the test yourself, and please report your results below.  Quite frankly, based on this website’s description of Limbo, I’d be quite happy there, with “rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. . . . the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad” among the “virtuous pagans” and unbaptised children.  (But, Limbo is what you make of it, right?  So long as the company’s good, anyway.)
  • For those of you looking to get the H-E-double hockey sticks out of Dodge City, here’s a story about airline travel that will burn your shorts (via Shakesville.)  Seriously:  United Airlines executives should have to spend eternity in the Malebolge (that’s circle 8 out of 9, friends) with others “guilty of fraudulence and malice.”  Once upon a time I had to travel with a family member who needed assistance, and the United flight attendants were the least helpful and accomodating of any I’ve ever encountered.  (Denver is a United hub, but fortunately so is Frontier, whose employees seem a heck of a lot friendlier and happier.  Plus, the United planes all feel much more crowded and the seats are the worst of any U.S. airline I’ve ever flown.  Given the choice between United and Greyhound, next time I’ll ride the dog!)  We’d regularly be issued seats in different rows, and when I asked for help in finding seats together, I’d be told brightly, “oh, just ask the person next to you to switch.”  I’d be scolded by the flight attendants for holding up the boarding line because I was the only able-bodied adult and I needed to lug some gear onto the plane without any offers of assistance.  That’s just how United Airlines rolls, I guess!  My sense is that United is to blame for their employees’ low morale and lack of helpfulness:  people who have the resources they need to do their job right tend to be happier and more helpful than those who feel squeezed and spread around too thinly.
  • Now, for those of you who found yesterday’s thread, and Dr. Crazy’s excellent elaboration on the conversation, a bit too much of a bummer, here’s a little bagatelle courtesy of some chap who calls himself Ukelele Man:  a cover of They Might Be Giants’ “Kiss Me, Son of God.”  Ha!  “I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage called the blood of the exploited working claaaaass!”  I love this guy:

I think I like this version even better than the original.  What do you think?  Is it more enjoyable than your average flight on UAL and/or visit to The Inferno?  (Take your pick–and take care, friends!)


32 Responses to “Tuesday round-up: Hell’s Bells edition!”

  1. Mary on 13 Apr 2010 at 10:32 am #

    I guess we won’t be mingling in the afterlife, I’m in the City of Dis, the sixth level of hell.

  2. Perpetua on 13 Apr 2010 at 10:39 am #

    I got sent to Purgatory! Sorry I won’t be hanging out with you in Limbo – I agree that it sounds pretty nice (unlike Purgatory, which is all about repentance and misery).

    Thanks for linking the story about airline travel and the evils of UNITED. It was hard to read but *should* be read so we can start throwing rotten tomatoes and excrement at United (and also be reminded of the every day indignities of being disabled in this country). It took a while to get my jaw off the floor after the customer service rep said “I’m not sorry for your experience.” Wow! What an A+ customer service job. Way to treat people with dignity and respect.

  3. votermom on 13 Apr 2010 at 10:47 am #

    Mary, I am in Dis too! (sighs dolefully)
    I almost made it to Limbo, but not quite.

  4. Historiann on 13 Apr 2010 at 10:49 am #

    This is weird–I am absolutely an unbeliever, so should probably be in Dis too. I wonder what I answered differently from Mary and votermom?

    And hells to the yes to Perpetua on that customer “service” rep. What a smug little tool.

  5. Mary on 13 Apr 2010 at 11:07 am #

    I’m glad I won’t be alone votermom!

    And historiann, I am not sure what I did to end up in Dis. Besides atheism, the greatest sins I admitted to were swearing, enjoying food, and buying myself things I don’t always need. Oh, and I did state that I sometimes took pleasure in other’s misery. But I was being hard on myself, I don’t actually take pleasure in other people’s real misery. I just meant I have to hold back a snicker or two when someone vents/complains in a very self indulgent way.

  6. votermom on 13 Apr 2010 at 11:09 am #

    Did you say No to Nostradamus? And no afterlife? I’m guessing it’s one of those that DISqualified me. :)

  7. Mary on 13 Apr 2010 at 11:13 am #

    Yes, I said no to both. Maybe thats it.

  8. life_of_a_fool on 13 Apr 2010 at 12:17 pm #

    I am also in the city of Dis. There seems to be a fine line between Limbo and Dis, which seems a little harsh to those of us in Dis!

    I love Ukelele Man.

  9. Comrade PhysioProf on 13 Apr 2010 at 12:40 pm #

    (1) Jeezus weezus:

    Second Level of Hell

    You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

  10. GayProf on 13 Apr 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    Even with my penchant for sodomy (and I do love it so), I still ended up in Limbo. Go figure.

  11. Susan on 13 Apr 2010 at 1:10 pm #

    I’ll be joining Perpetua in Purgatory. Mountain climbing to the light.
    As for United, alas I am flying on them this weekend…

  12. nicolec on 13 Apr 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    I’m also in the City of Dis…perhaps you could join us Historiann?

  13. Historiann on 13 Apr 2010 at 1:16 pm #

    I’m OK with Limbo, if my best Gay Proffriend will be there, too! (I’m so glad that sodomy doesn’t necessarily mean that you end up with CPP, among the lustful. I think CPP is there because of the MFJ habit.)

    votermom–I think you’re right. I believe neither in Nostradamus (or any other prophecy) nor in an afterlife. I also said that I don’t wish to repeat my sins. Thus, Limbo for me, and no Dis.

  14. Jacob on 13 Apr 2010 at 1:25 pm #

    It looks like I’ll be joining the mass exodus to the City of Dis. I guess someone has to keep the “three infernal Furies” company.

  15. Katherine on 13 Apr 2010 at 1:48 pm #

    hmmmm…my love of cooking got me consigned to the third level of hell with the gluttons. Next time I shouldn’t admit that fine food are one of life’s greatest pleasures.

  16. Indyanna on 13 Apr 2010 at 2:34 pm #

    Second Level for me. I think I had some AP credits. Will it be possible to visit cross-category? Can you still get an internet connection? Will there still be Historiann posts there? You’d think you could get some extra credits for not even checking their privacy policy before clicking on “calculate.” Then again, I didn’t take the cute pets quiz either.

  17. Indyanna on 13 Apr 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    p.s. Do they have a hors-de-categorie 24/7/365 open stack research library? All sorts of questions emerge, once you’re ticketed!

  18. Dr. Crazy on 13 Apr 2010 at 3:27 pm #

    What does it mean that I’m with Comrade Physioprof and Indyanna in the second level of hell? Because I feel like that means something, though I’m not sure what.

  19. truffula on 13 Apr 2010 at 3:58 pm #

    Limbo. I suppose because I keep a faith but am not pious.

    I was a bit put off by the limited gender options. Surely, wider variety there would be helpful for travel planning.

  20. Comrade PhysioProf on 13 Apr 2010 at 5:01 pm #

    What does it mean that I’m with Comrade Physioprof and Indyanna in the second level of hell? Because I feel like that means something, though I’m not sure what.

    Whaddya think it means!?!?!? PARTEE TYME!!!!!!!!!

  21. Mamie on 13 Apr 2010 at 5:55 pm #

    I’m in three, the gluttons. Katherine and I should open a restaurant. Do you think all the folks heading to Dis will have to pass through three on their way to six?

  22. Janice on 13 Apr 2010 at 6:25 pm #

    I made it to Purgatorio! W00t! Ooops, I hope I don’t get downgraded for resorting to l33tspeak.

  23. Fratguy on 13 Apr 2010 at 6:26 pm #

    Mostly Limbo with a chance of Second Circle, normal conditions for this time of life.

  24. Mary on 13 Apr 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    If Mamie and Katherine open a restaurant, I think I would like to give up my spot in Dis and just stay in level three…

  25. Dr. Crazy on 13 Apr 2010 at 7:25 pm #

    “PARTEE TYME!!!!!!!!!”

    Perhaps, though in darkness, and we’ll have to deal with the terrible winds. It should be an interesting, though potentially uncomfortable, party:)

  26. Ignatz on 13 Apr 2010 at 7:39 pm #

    Oh, my. I made it to 7! Violent?! And I call myself a pacifist…

  27. Another Damned Medievalist on 13 Apr 2010 at 7:51 pm #

    Wait, What? Level 7??? um. Probably the blasphemy and the fact that I would probably do some sinful things again (happens when you don’t particularly believe marriage is a necessity, I suppose). But violent? not so much.

    And goodness, but there’s lots of catching up to do!

  28. Katherine on 14 Apr 2010 at 12:05 pm #

    I’m in for the restaurant!!

  29. Historiann on 14 Apr 2010 at 12:24 pm #

    Can you open the restaurant in Limbo? I’m afraid that there’s not much going on there. (It’s dreamily peaceful though–like a Diazepeme dream! La-la-la-la. . . )

  30. Prof. Koshary on 14 Apr 2010 at 2:30 pm #

    WTF? Why am I bound for the Sixth Circle? Sigh…at least I’ll have quite a number of other posters/readers for company.

    I’m additionally bummed because I’ve always thought that the virtuous non-believers would make excellent company.

  31. Sungold on 15 Apr 2010 at 7:52 pm #

    Well, I landed in the second circle (hi to all you other lustcritters!) but I can never resist tinkering with the answers. So just changing my answer on good food vs. sex bumped me back into limbo. And my, that was the hardest question – I think I might rather stay in the second circle with visiting rights into the third?

    I just love how all these years of postgraduate study are being poured into an internet quiz!

  32. Caturday: Basement Cat’s Inferno « Kittywampus on 17 Apr 2010 at 6:44 am #

    [...] 17, 2010 by Sungold A couple of days ago, Historiann linked to a hilarious quiz, “Dante’s Inferno Test.” It’s definitely a cut above [...]

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