Comments on: Resigning without regrets http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/ History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present Sun, 21 Sep 2014 12:24:08 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.9.2 By: Indyanna http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567986 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:59:19 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567986 p.s. Sorry. “ever to WALK” on the tenure track. Everybody talked. Heh.

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By: Indyanna http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567981 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:55:43 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567981 Wini,

Most everybody has/(had) a touch of the imposter syndrome in this business. I “walked on” at a high-end G-school, without money; played my way onto the TA team; screwed up orals-comps in about as many ways as you could do that–without any back-up writtens; hired and fired committee members like an LSD-crazed TV station manager/news director; hung out and hung around; dropped out, dropped back in; wrote essay chapters of more different potential dissertations than you could shake a map pointer at; dropped out again, then came back with a signable dissertation in a field I never took a course on! [I'll ask Historiann not to post on the *next* Long March phase that came after that first long march!]. Got a job and so was the only member of my 30-person entering cohort ever to talk on the tenure track. Was I the smartest one in that bunch? As y’all say around here: heh. (Was the survivor-d00d sitting in seat 31D on the downed plane the best passenger on the manifest?

Double-heh!

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By: Historiann http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567703 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:27:02 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567703 Serious PDS! Hehehe.

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By: Comrade PhysioProf http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567702 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:24:48 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567702 Whatever the opposite of imposter syndrome is, Comrade PhysioProf’s got it. Pompous douchebag syndrome?

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By: Historiann http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567700 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:13:05 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567700 Digger–it was like an alcoholic family. I played the role of the bad child who wanted to name it and talk about it. But it was much easier to ostracize me and deny the crazzy. (And it was crazzy!)

I don’t want to sound like I was always 100% right, and everyone else there was 100% wrong. But, it was my first job–I was 29 years old. I made mistakes along the way–but looking back over some of the records lately, I’m proud of the fact that I pushed back when I was treated unfairly. I don’t think anyone can fault me for that. (I was reminded of some of the game-playing and information-withholding that went on there. It was a serious mindfrack.)

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By: Digger http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567699 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:53:03 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567699 Thanks for the post, Historiann. My “under advisement” pile is growing; I’m itching to be out of where I’m at, but don’t want to burn bridges, either.

The fact that no one whooped “YOU GO GIRL!” during your speech is absolutely proof positive it was more than time to get the hell out. Too bad everyone else there was so invested in The Broken.

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By: John S. http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567697 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:42:22 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567697 @wini–impostor syndrome can be pretty f***ing rough. I’ve had some serious bouts with it during my time as an assistant professor. It is paralyzing; I was able to shake it off enough to get my book done in time for tenure (just barely!) but it was a very close call. It still hits. Just today I had a friend at another university email me asking for advice about a job he’s been asked to apply for. My first thought was “why are you asking me? You *must* know someone more knowledgeable!” The I realized that yes, I was able to say something useful.

If I could share something small I’ve learned here–hard fought self-knowledge that I only got from *many* talks with my therapist–it would be this: in my case, my impostor syndrome had a very social dimension. I was certainly susceptible to the phenomenon, but the dynamics of my department greatly exacerbated it. It took a lot of prodding from my therapist to make me realize that some of the toxic members of my department were acting in ways that were undermining me. (Or, more accurately–I responded to their actions by devaluing my own sense of professional worth.) In other words, I had plenty of help in nurturing my well-developed sense of impostor-hood. Other people subtly–or not so subtly–treating you like you don’t belong doesn’t make you an impostor. Stepping back and seeing that bigger picture really has helped me get a batter (and I think more realistic) sense of where I stand professionally.

(@Historiann–and yes, some of the worst offenders were d00dz who should have occasional crises of confidence, if only to balance out their wildly overinflated sense of self.)

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By: Z http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567695 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 21:40:45 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567695 If you’re not happy, go on the market. I knew my first job was the twilight zone in the first week. I insisted on giving it a year before deciding to go on the market. As a result I had to stay two years, not just one, and I am still repairing the damage being there and trying to “give it a chance” did me.

If you’re all right, don’t go on the market. In my second job many felt they deserved to be at a good R1, not a bad R1, and were on the market. I wasn’t unhappy even though it wasn’t perfect, but I followed the fashion of being permanently on the market like many of the rest of my colleagues; this just wasted time and energy I could have spent renovating my house or something.

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By: wini http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567628 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:39:09 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567628 @Susan. We’re crossing our fingers. I think it’s a possibility, depending on the school. I’m at a R1 flagship right now, and I’m hoping that I’ll look good to schools.

@Historiann Keep on saying “get over your imposter syndrome.” Seriously, I was giving into it last year and I finally had a good friend give me a talking to. I’m seeing a therapist and talking through a lot of my anxiety, which can be paralyzing. I feel like I’ve made real progress, and I feel like we/I need to be telling other women to work on getting over it. My name is Wini, my ability to internalize achievement is broken. Nice to meet you.

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By: Historiann http://www.historiann.com/2010/03/02/resigning-without-regrets/comment-page-1/#comment-567535 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:58:41 +0000 http://www.historiann.com/?p=9788#comment-567535 Get over your imposter syndrome, Wini. It disproportionately afflicts talented women. (And strangely, some of the d00dz who really should suffer from it suffer instead from inflated esteem. Funny, that!)

Susan: I actually know of a case of this happening this year, amazingly enough. (A STEM man’s job offer became a spousal offer to his wife in the humanities.) And, it’s not from a super-duper research U., either–it’s from a well-regarded regional state U.

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