9th 2009
I do not know this Jesus of whom you speak

Posted under: American history, European history, fluff, local news, weirdness


Toto, I don’t think we’re anywhere near Calvinism any more!  This Jesus apparently “Saves, Delivers, Satisfies.”  Delivers and Satisfies?  What is Jesus, then–the new Chinese restaurant in town?  Can we get fries with that?  Ye gads.

John and Margaret Winthrop and all of the Mathers (Increase, Cotton, and possibly even Jerry) are spinning in their graves.


16 Responses to “I do not know this Jesus of whom you speak”

  1. Susan on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:07 am #

    Yikes. That is some really weird theology!

  2. Brian Ulrich on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:19 am #

    I see this is in Greeley, Colorado, the city that inspired Sayyid Qutb to write The America I Have Seen.

  3. Roxie on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:24 am #

    Hilarious. Perhaps they are positioning themselves as a rival to G.O.D. — Guaranteed Overnight Delivery? What’s next — S.A.T.A.N? I’ll need a long nap to figure out what that stands for, but I’ve got a business plan ready to go.

  4. Historiann on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:32 am #

    Brian–right you are. I wrote a post about Qutb last year, “Sayyid Qutb on my ‘dreamy garden.’”

    Roxie, you’ve got to come up with a catchphrase for S.A.T.A.N.!

  5. Erica on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:50 am #

    You’d think it’s common sense to look at a sign and think, “Hmm, is there a double entendre here?” and if the answer is yes, “Do I want that double entendre?”

    Although considering the traditional understanding of nuns as brides of Christ, this might be a surprisingly “traditional” theology… ((ewwww))

  6. Kathie on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:51 am #

    As a descendant of the Mathers (not directly from Increase and Cotton, but from Increase’s father Richard and younger brother Timothy), I have to say, this sign reminded me of the soccer t-shirts that show Jesus as a goalie – “Jesus saves!” Well, there is probably no connection between my Mather ancestry and soccer gear, but I had to reply to both parts of your post!

  7. Historiann on 09 Jul 2009 at 8:56 am #

    Kathie–there’s a hockey-related joke that goes, “Jesus saves, Gretzky gets the rebound!” Ha!

    Erica: good point. Puritan men wrote some surprisingly erotic letters and sermons about being “brides of Christ.”

  8. Janice on 09 Jul 2009 at 11:13 am #

    Sounds like smokes to me!

  9. HistoryMaven on 09 Jul 2009 at 11:43 am #

    See Anne Hutchinson’s poem, “As Weary Pilgrim,” in which she employed the bed as a metaphor for here dying body and Christ as a bridegroom: the sexualized nature of the Puritans’ belief in the spiritual marriage to Christ.

    Being taught by a student of Perry Miller sure has its benefits for this sort of arcana!

  10. Buzz on 09 Jul 2009 at 12:00 pm #

    All I could think of was, “Packed with peanuts, Jesus really satisfies,” based on the 1980s Snickers slogan. But I see transubstantiation jokes everywhere.

    Erica—You reminded me of Bernini’s Ecstasy of St. Teresa, which has a long history of interpretations in which the ecstasy of the saint’s divine visitation is supposed to suggest an orgasm.

  11. Historiann on 09 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm #

    Buzz, I think you hit upon the ad slogan that struck me too when I saw this sign! Janice, I think you’re right too–I’ve heard ciggie ads from the 50s in which one cigarette is advertised as the one that “really satisfies.” Which was it–Camel? Marlborough?

    And HistoryMaven–good call on the Anne H. reference. I don’t know that poem (or don’t remember it.)

  12. HistoryMaven on 09 Jul 2009 at 3:30 pm #

    Chesterfield cigarettes…they satisfy.

  13. anon on 09 Jul 2009 at 3:36 pm #

    Sexed up Jesus bothers me a lot less than Jesus-as-customer-service-rep. I think one makes up slogans when one has no theology. But then again I’m a medievalist who works on religion, so I’m chock-full-of-bias.

  14. Historiann on 09 Jul 2009 at 6:57 pm #

    I’m with you, anon–although it’s that double-entendre that Erica noted that makes them hard to separate (sexed-up Jesus versus customer-satisfaction Jesus, that is.)

    Packed with holiness, Jesus really satisfies!

  15. Vance Maverick on 10 Jul 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Googling “Jesus satisfies” turns up lots of stuff, including a hymn from the ’20s. So if we’re going to let this offend us, we’ll spend a lot of time offended….however, I must admit that the idea of selling religion explicitly based on how it makes you, the prospective or presumptive believer, feel turns me off too.

  16. Anastasia on 11 Jul 2009 at 9:26 am #

    I used to have (and wear) a button that said “Jesus saves sinners….and redeems them for valuable prizes!” You have no idea how many Christian people would read it, laugh, and then say “You know? That’s really true!”

    uhhh yeah.

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