And, women who act like professionals and negotiate their salary may be treated poorly and have it held against them, as my own experience bears out.

Agreed. Asking for a raise can destroy your career at a company.

I have to say that I know exactly what you mean. Once upon a time, I was in a situation in which I could either solve the problem myself, or take it to my department and my Dean and ask them for help. Foolishly–in retrospect–I decided to solve it myself because I was (like your colleague) in a privileged situation to solve the problem, and I didn’t want to be any trouble. (How “nice” can you get, eh?) But it was the wrong decision–not everyone else in my situation will be able to follow my lead, and I regret not deciding to let myself be a burr under someone else’s saddle for the very reason that you state. This too is related to that post I linked to above, “Money, class, and the values of academe.”

I’ve got to the point where I look at her and say, “It may be your choice. You may be able to afford that choice. But I can’t, and you are setting a precedent that I can’t and don’t want to live up to. Could you please stop saying yes, and instead, before you open your mouth, ask yourself what [nice, very good, great colleague, but also very self-promoting and well-paid, always compensated for all work at a higher-rate male] colleague would say? Because while I would prefer not to be known as being that pushy? I want SLAC to see his example as the one they follow when it comes to pay, not yours.

Because honestly — even though the dean fights for equity, he’s not going to turn down people who don’t ask for what they’re worth.

IIRC, you’ll have had a postdoc under your belt next year, and you’ve got your degree in hand, so you should be offered more money than an ABD or someone who hasn’t had a postdoc. Think too about the publications you have, other fellowships/honors/awards/prizes, and teaching experience–all of those count for something, so don’t be afraid to remind them why you came out on top ahead of 100-300 other applications.

I like your comparison to the secret ballot. But then, I think the inability of humanities types to deal with money issues in a straightforward way has to do with the inherent class bias of our calling, and the presumption that we’ve all got inheritances or rich spouses to make sure that baby has new shoes. (I’ve written about this here before.)

I do hope that you file for the review, however.

HJ

I think that “nice” is what often helps engender these negotiations. Women are expected to be “nice”,”passive”, and apologetic when they ask for pay equity. If you can pull all of that off while negotiating for better pay, you might actually get it b/c it doesn’t seem like you are threatening gender norms. Then again you might be subject to all kinds of condescending sexism first or worse subjected to it and then denied w/ a “run a long now.” But if you ask with respect and an eye to your accomplishments or published salary tables it is all the more threatening, and likely to lead to punishment now or later, b/c you are openly defying gender norms. So there is the issue of patriarchal inequality built into the salary system but also the social aspects of it that help demean those of us who ask either through a forced mask of femininity or punishment for failing to play “daddy’s little girl” to who ever holds the key to the coffer.