Comments on: To have it all, get a wife

By: A peek at chez Historiann : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present

Sat, 31 Jul 2010 21:22:28 +0000

[...] and is a pretty radical feminist,” which is a little inaccurate. Longtime readers know that I “came out” on my blog as a married heterosexualist last year, although I grant you that there’s nothing more specific about my sex life here. I thought [...]

By: Casualties of academia, or casualties of patriarchy? : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:24:49 +0000

[...] have to say, she surprised me with this post, since she has in the past cheerfully reported working with so many women colleagues with children, and has spoken up for their ability to live full lives on a par with that of their male [...]

By: An object lesson in pseudonymity and internet privacy : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 23:12:09 +0000

[...] rightness of my choice not to say that much about my personal life. I recently told you that I am married to a man, but that’s as much as I feel safe in revealing on the blog. You’ll never find a [...]

By: Historiann

Historiann — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:43:11 +0000

Sometimes people are just too transparent, aren’t they? Sad–not just for them, but for many in their circle.

By: Z

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 02:22:47 +0000

Yes. At my first and worst job, and a very very fancy small SLAC, I was the only single straight woman on the faculty — not just in the department. I got guilt tripped about it a lot by other women faculty: no husband to oppress me, and no lesbian cross to bear. !!! They said these things straight out!!!

By: Historiann

Historiann — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 22:49:58 +0000

Prof. Z.–one of the things I have noticed about my friends who have been bullied at work is that they tend to be single (unmarried, unpartnered) women. I don’t think it’s an accident that they’re singled out because they’re seen as potentially disruptive and/or gender queer (in avoiding attachment to a man in particular) and as relatively vulnerable because they probably NEED their jobs in ways that married women don’t necessarily.

It’s almost like the bullies think that it’s OK to push around a single woman because there won’t be an angry husband waiting on their doorstep to slug them. (As if most husbands behave this way–but still, I think it’s a primitive kind of fear that bullies may have of women who are attached to men.)

By: Z

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 22:12:45 +0000

P.S. I think I’d love to have a wife, as wives are described here — but maybe not, the reality is that that would reinscribe patriarchal relations, just in reverse.

By: Z

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 22:08:38 +0000

I don’t think academia isn’t family friendly. I think graduate school isn’t … it doesn’t encourage thinking that way. But professordom is VERY family oriented, I have always found.

Let me do a census for my main department, tenured/tt. It’s a languages and literatures unit, granting all degrees through PhD but not all degrees in all subfields. It’s partly R1 and partly not, and teaching load varies, with highest official load on t/t being 3/3 (can go to 4/4 for hurricanes and financial exigency).

Straight woman, no spouse, no children
2 women, married, 2 children each
2 women, married, no children yet but surely will have
Lesbian couple (including spousal hire), no children

Straight man, no spouse, no children
2 gay men, no spice, no children
Transman, 2 spice, no children

Man, married, 2 children
Man, married, 3 children
Man, married, 5 children
Man, married, 2 legit children + mistress with one child + other more random children

The married men with all the kids are also the full professors. Having all these kids corresponds pretty clearly to being of an age where you could have a traditional family being a man and all.

Interestingly, it’s the non-tt people who have the fewest kids. Their census is worth looking at:

2 gay women, neither in a couple – dating
2 straight men, neither in a couple – dating
2 married women, each with 1 child

NOTE also how married the t/tt people are. Note that I am the only unmarried/uncoupled woman, whereas 3 of 8 men are not in couples. Note that women really need a spouse to legitimate them in a way men don’t. Women really take a hit not being married, I notice — you look too defenseless, people fantasize about you in the wrong ways, and given lower salary/comparable worth issues you are broke all the time, too (although it is not guaranteed one’s spouse would be employed, I suppose).

I am not married/don’t have kids because (a) I was not raised to be strong enough as a person to engage in a marriage and maintain an identity; (b) I was raised to accept the idea that you had to make a choice: identity + work OR marriage/children, which meant self loss … so I chose the non marriage option. I do not regret this but had I been raised in less severe circumstances I would have had a family and so on … I’d have liked it. But it’s not academia’s fault that I didn’t.

By: Knitting Clio

Knitting Clio — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:30:12 +0000

Data points for my department (history, regional comprehensive, 4/4 load, B.A. and M.A. granted)

18 f-t tenured or tenure track faculty, 10M, 8F

women:

2 married with children (although for one, children are grown, this is marriage number 2)

5 married or partnered (including one gay marriage), no children

1 unmarried, no children

men:

8 married with children (one with grandchildren)

1 divorced with grown children

1 newly married

By: ADM

ADM — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 15:08:45 +0000

Also late to this party, but I will say that SLAC is at present very friendly to all faculty with children, but it’s also very friendly to faculty who marry other faculty! We’re in a teeny town, and any signs that show that good faculty are really putting down roots in the area are welcomed. It doesn’t hurt that the president had her children while at SLAC, and has a real stake in making it possible for women faculty to have a fair shot.