One might wonder why these two men wanted to take a seminar with you, when you’re affiliated with women’s studies and so naturally would engage in a feminist pedagogy. Complaining about your “feminist lens” is pretty weak, when they presumably were volunteers for your course and so must submit to your judgment since you are the faculty member of record for the course.

I wonder if appealing to hierarchy might work–when I taught at a Catholic university, I found that sometimes I could take refuge in the fact that I was the professor and students were the students. It didn’t always work–in fact, since I had more problems with colleagues than students, it wasn’t a strategy that I could use at all. But there is a Catholic commitment to playing one’s role in a given hierarchy that I’ve noticed. (I have taught at 2 Catholic universities, not just the one.)

I completely support your decision not to engage with students like the ones you’ve just dealt with. What I’ve found here on my blog is that tolerating commenters who are rude or just trying to stir the pot is a bad idea–they start to think they own the place. (The proverbial inch/mile thingie turns out to be so, so true when it comes to men expecting to dominate women’s bodies, space, and time, whether in RL or on line!) Coming down hard on students who dominate the class or whose demeanor suggests disrespect for you or for their fellow students–for whatever reason–is almost always the right thing to do.

Thanks immensely for this post. (I lurk on occasion, usually link here through feministlawprofessors.com).

I’m a young female prof (tt but still a few years away from going up) at a major Catholic university in the midwest (um, yes, *that* university). I’ve been working both with our Gender Studies program and with my home dept. for the past couple of years. And this post made an impact on me. The conversation(s) about gender-related issues on campus (when they’re permitted to take place) are ALWAYS 100% controlled by the “need” to address the men on campus, men’s anxieties about gender, men’s “me, too” or “I have something really profound to say about gender” moments… The list goes on but you get the picture, I’m sure.

I had a difficult time pedagogically with a seminar I just finished up for the semester (all seniors preparing to graduate) in which I had a number of bright and articulate women, and five men, two of whom were incredibly aggressive and domineering. The dynamic felt to me like a constant struggle for power and authority with these two guys attempting to hijack every discussion. My female students came to me during office hours to tell me that they felt silenced and threatened by these guys and their frequent interruptions, etc. Yet because of the culture of this campus and the insanely backward ways in which gender gets talked about here, they lacked the vocabulary and the confidence to address the issue in class or confront the guys. They needed me to be an advocate for them. Which is exhausting because I fell like it’s all I do sometimes. I felt as though my credentials, my own position as the person whose job it was to channel discussion–was constantly being attacked. It doesn’t help, I imagine, that I’m visibly pregnant, look young, and am the first woman in my department *ever* to have a child pre-tenure.

Anyhow, the last straw for me came when I was teaching *Mme Bovary.* There’s a “seduction” scene in which Emma, the protagonist, is led into the woods by a man, who then grabs at her arms and wrists, ignores her verbal rejections and expressions of fear, and then eventually “convinces” her to succumb. The two aggressive guys immediately began regaling the class with their reading of this scene: Emma asked for it, she submitted voluntarily, she was performing her romantic fantasies etc. They transitioned in the course of the discussion to the way this scene plays out on campus, with all the girls who behave like Emma, and how confusing it is for guys.

At that point I just couldn’t take it anymore! I didn’t exactly blow up, but I calmly and firmly shut the conversation down, explained that this was not *about* guys’ feelings, that they needed to examine the language in the text again, and that the rest of the class (about 20 minutes) would be reserved for their classmates to speak, since said classmates had not had a chance to do so. They needed to hone their listening and responding skills,which–I pointed out–are also crucial elements of a civil conversation.

The result? They totally punished me on my evals (which at my uni *does* play into tenure, though obviously not as much as research) and I am now dealing with one of the guys, who appealed his grade and has accused me of censorship. He also claims that my judgment is impaired by my “feminist lens.”

I’m seriously over the notion that I need to accommodate, include, or in any way deal justly and fairly with these kinds of people. In fact, one month before I prepare to welcome my new child into the world, I’m slogging through this appeals process and neglecting some edits and research that I really need to finish up before the baby gets here. I don’t know if I can stand to be here any longer, despite the fact that this is supposed to be a “dream” job (top-20, big research account, etc.). And it’s all because I’m tired as hell of moderating my tone, reaching out to those who “disagree”, justifying the presence of any kind of feminist hermeneutics, etc. I think I’m just done. And I think that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be my job and it doesn’t mean I’m mean, nasty or intolerant.

http://what-was-i-doing.blogspot.com/2009/05/not-quite-grown-up.html

Correction: I see you already have! And a nice Nirvana reference along the way too–well done. I’ll add yours to the list.

One rule I would add to the list, which is related to the others but needs special mention, is to stop apologizing. After reading these posts I realized that I take responsibility for how others react to my success. For some reason, I’ve been apologizing to my colleagues for their feelings. It’s not always a spoken apology, but the thought is there. I’m taking all those apologies back; they take too much energy.

This has been a great series of posts. I added my own on learning to say ‘no’ – http://bavardess.blogspot.com/2009/05/there-was-great-discussion-over-at.html

I’ve never bought the whole “be nice to people even when they’re jerks” idea, mostly because I was the nerdy goofy kid who got picked on in grade school and therefore learned quite quickly it was a waste of time being nice back. (A corollary to this lesson might be “don’t be friends with people who are mean to you just because you’re desperate for friends”… something I was not always able to avoid.)

For some reason, I didn’t get a pingback or notice of Undine’s post in my incoming links list–so if anyone else wants to contribute to this list, either let me know in a comment that you’ve put up a post, or shoot me an e-mail. I appreciate that others are engaged in these “lessons for girls,” and want to be sure to have a complete list of lessons here.

http://notofgeneralinterest.blogspot.com/2009/05/lessons-for-girls-trust-your-instincts.html