Comments on: Lessons for Girls, number one: Anger

By: Professor Zero

Professor Zero — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:50:12 +0000

Once again: what a good post this is.

By: Lessons for Girls 7: It’s okay if not everyone likes you | Geeky Mom

Lessons for Girls 7: It’s okay if not everyone likes you | Geeky Mom — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:38:41 +0000

[...] I think understanding that not everyone is going to like you leads to other positive actions along the lines of what the other bloggers have written about. One is able to opt out of bad situations and arguments (a la Dr. Crazy); one starts to trust your own instincts instead of someone else’s; it means you don’t have to feel sorry for someone and try to save them; it is a step toward independence; it means not apologizing for who you are; and it means, it’s okay to get angry. [...]

By: Friday round-up: police state a-go-go, yee-haw! : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:39:41 +0000

[...] to understand here–it’s just a simple misunderstanding among friends and neighbors! Why do we always have to be so angry all of the time? Don’t we get it that we’d make so many more profeminist/antiracist converts if we [...]

By: Vade Mecum feminista « Diario de un padre

Vade Mecum feminista « Diario de un padre — Sun, 31 May 2009 19:55:25 +0000

[...] Rabia. “Girls are subjected to an impressive load of anti-anger propaganda”. (Las chicas [...]

By: Two more lessons for girls: you can say no, and don’t peak early : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present

Sun, 31 May 2009 14:02:28 +0000

[...] real friends will understand. Users are the only ones who will be angry. (And remember Lesson Number One, girls: It’s okay to make other people angry.”) Pretty wise for a nineteen year-old, [...]

By: attack_laurel

attack_laurel — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:09:58 +0000

I love this post (and all the other Lessons for Girls)! I’ve been a person who has struggled with intense emotion and the requirement to be sweet and placating all my life, and I’ve ditched the “sweet placating” requirement without a shred of guilt in the past ten years or so.

Learning that it was okay to make people angry was life-changing for me. (As was letting go of romantic fantasies – one of my major life lessons: hope you don’t mind me linking!)

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Tue, 26 May 2009 20:39:59 +0000

http://disclosuresofadirtyfeminist.blogspot.com/2009/05/lessons-for-girls-you-can-say-no.html

Here’s the link. Thanks!

By: Historiann

Historiann — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:33:05 +0000

Tiffany–good one. Go for it, and then link back here so that I can update the list.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:24:05 +0000

I don’t know if someone has already talked about this one, because I didn’t read all the comments, but I would be happy to write this lesson because it’s one that has had profound influence on my life, and one that I still struggle with: “it’s okay to say no”.
I’m not just talking about in a sexual way, but talking about the fact that women in general are expected to “make it work”. To be able to be everything and do everything and be everywhere. It can be very taxing and hard to turn people down, because you don’t want to be a burden.
Let me know if you’re interested. I might write the post anyways just because I believe it might be cathartic.

By: Professor Zero

Professor Zero — Fri, 22 May 2009 20:10:02 +0000

OK, here’s one of my comments on anger, posted elsewhere and for other reasons, sometime in April:

“NOTE: THIS IS A PARABLE AND THE CHARACTERS AND EVENTS TO WHICH IT REFERS ARE COMPOSITES OF SEVERAL EVENTS AND PERSONS. IT IS NOT A TRANSCRIPT OF AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION.

Why are you so angry? asked my bullying ex friend — it being, as we know, that anger is not a proper Christian emotion, and that it is considered a “secondary” one in some therapies (for example: rather than feel anger at, say, the invasion of Iraq, you should explore the fear your anger is supposedly covering.)

I am angry at outrageous behavior, said I — and dishonesty, manipulation, self servingness, and exploitation. Most importantly, I am angry at the abuse of trust.

If you see those things in me, said my bullying ex friend, then it must be that they are characteristics of yours you have projected into me. Because we see nothing but ourselves, you know; we create our own realities, quoth she in dulcet tones.

From an academic point of view that response would rate an F in both beginning philosophy and beginning rhetoric, and I am not sure in how many other beginning courses.

That is why I never know how to respond to people who give it. They are so impaired intellectually, it seems, that it is not possible to talk as equals. It is at that point that I become overly kind. This is an error.”