April
17th 2009
Try this on Jeopardy, baby

Posted under: fluff, Gender

cowgirlglanceTen Top Trivia Tips about Historiann!

  1. Native Americans never actually ate Historiann; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
  2. Historiann can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.
  3. The only Englishman to become Historiann was Nicholas Breakspear, who was Historiann from 1154 to 1159.
  4. When provoked, Historiann will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker.
  5. Birds do not sleep in Historiann, though they may rest in her from time to time!
  6. A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as Historiann.
  7. It is impossible to fold Historiann more than seven times.
  8. It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun’s surface to Historiann.
  9. Historiann can turn her stomach inside out.
  10. If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Historiann.

Via SquadratomagicoHere’s the place where you find out about yourself (or anyone else)–let me know in the comments what you discover!  How, I wonder, can anyone who, “when provoked. . . will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker,” be deemed “timid prey?”  Oh well, like all women (except when I was Nicholas Breakspear), I’m accustomed to accusations of embodying all kinds of mutually contradictory traits:  “naturally” weak and helpless, yet I can ruin a warrior and sap his strength if he eats from my dishes when I’m menstruating; a man-crazed lesbian; passionless yet I can’t control my sexual desires.  You get the picture.  All just a day’s work as a marked category, friends!

Just remember:  it is in fact impossible to fold Historiann more than seven times.  (I think my actual limit is closer to three.)  I hope you get your weekends off to a great start–here in NoCo, we’re battening down for another big snowstorm!  But, that’s life on the high plains desert at  5,000 feet for you.  (I recall a graduation weekend/Mother’s Day weekend snowstorm here in Potterville in the early 2000s, and we regularly see snow flurries on May 1 for some reason.)  Wish me happy shoveling!

6 Comments »

6 Responses to “Try this on Jeopardy, baby”

  1. Susan on 17 Apr 2009 at 7:42 am #

    Both you and Squadrato do this abdomen swivel thing jetting chemicals out. It must be a very useful talent. This just tells us how awesome both of you are. And I’ll just say that Nicholas Breakspear was lucky to be Historiann, even if only for 5 years. Meanwhile, Squadrato found out that *I* am the only one of the 7 wonders of the world that survives:)

  2. squadratomagico on 17 Apr 2009 at 8:19 am #

    I find the abdomen-swiveling thing to be invaluable, don’t you? I knew we were the same species!

  3. ortho stice on 17 Apr 2009 at 8:26 am #

    Oh my, Historiann! I knew you had mad skillz, but I never knew you could “shoot a jet of boiling chemicals”! That, my friend, is a valuable talent in this age of perpetual, planetary war.

    Have fun shoveling!

  4. Just “Ask Amy”: you’re an idiot, pal. : Historiann : History and sexual politics, 1492 to the present on 17 Apr 2009 at 10:10 am #

    [...] Speaking of bodies that as marked categories, here’s an interesting letter to “Ask Amy” in the Denver Post this morning: Dear Amy, [...]

  5. Indyanna on 17 Apr 2009 at 11:48 am #

    What was that dish you posted on back in mid-winter, was it Beef Bourgignon? That would sound good for a mid-April snow-in! I think the World Health Organization outlawed the 20-banana “hand” a number of years ago, and was upheld by the World Court. I used to pick peaches just before I shuffled off to grad. school, and carrying those 20s up and down ladders all day would be brutal. The Times has a pic. today of lettuce-harvesters in CA, with a sort of mobile factory that moves along with them through the fields. It doesn’t look like a much better way of life, if at all, than back in the days of La Heulga and Cesar Chavez.

  6. Top Ten Trivia Tips About Knitting Clio « Knitting Clio on 18 Apr 2009 at 8:09 am #

    [...] Historiann.  Thanks.  This was fun.  Feel free to make up [...]