Comments on: Just “Ask Amy”: you’re an idiot, pal.

By: Raquel

Raquel — Sat, 09 May 2009 15:06:12 +0000

I think the sensible thing to do would be to just congradulate the professor after class. Not too much thinking involved in that decision.

By: Jeremy Young

Jeremy Young — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:03:25 +0000

The weird thing to me, and the thing that screams sexism, is that it’s a grad student. As an undergrad, I can totally understand thinking that something happening in a professor’s personal life is momentous and weird and an elephant in the room — because professors are strange and terrible creatures with huge power differentials, and knowing something about a prof’s personal life is a way of gaining some control over the relationship. At least, that’s what people think in undergrad. As a grad student? You’re a professional and should be over that othering of professors already. No excuse in this case.

By: Fratguy

Fratguy — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 02:57:46 +0000

White elephant in the room ? I believe the term is “800 pound gorilla” i.e. that which cannot be ignored. Then again a pregnant professor would much more expected and much more ignorable than the proverbial 800 pound gorilla, or white elephant for that matter, were one or the other or both sitting in and auditing a class. I mean ignorable for most people anyway.

By: D.A.

D.A. — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 17:07:58 +0000

Women certainly shouldn’t feel obligated to offer the news of their pregnancy to others (especially if they are trying to avoid the socially-mandated gush of congrats and queries about the intimate details of the pregnancy). But a woman’s colleagues also shouldn’t feel like they are required to gush. I’ve felt extremely awkward when colleagues present the news of their pregnancy and expect and/or solicit a reaction – expecting and even desiring some engagement over relative nausea, hunger pangs, potential gender of child, etc. etc.

I am more than happy to offer sincere and brief congratulations to new parents in any professional situation; but if pregnant women can (rightfully!) claim privacy, colleague-listeners should also be given that allowance.

…I also applaud ej’s comments about valuing accomplishments!

By: Indyanna

Indyanna — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 19:04:41 +0000

There seems to be a niche open for book-worthy blogs devoted to the intersections between gummy bears and some other subject, I can’t remember. Tracking down anonymous commeters for permissions is emerging as a problem here as well. I’m releasing all rights!

By: Historiann

Historiann — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 18:34:28 +0000

Ooooh–I can be SO MUCH more frivolous! Pick me! Pick me!

By: Indyanna

Indyanna — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I’m guessing that a huge number of students have as much difficulty–if not more–imaging the faculty having sex as almost everybody does, at some point or another, imagining their own parents doing so. Books, for all we know, they may envision as being ghost-written, or else produced on an “as told to” basis: _Washington’s Crossing, As Told to David Hackett Fischer_.

An interesting story in the _Times_ today about publishers cruising around looking for blogs (albeit probably not serious ones like this one) to turn into insta-books. Then you get Oprah to twitter the thing, and who cares what the college salary committee decides?

By: Historiann

Historiann — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 13:27:12 +0000

Good one, ej: “Getting pregnant wasn’t an accomplishment. I had sex. Not nearly as difficult as writing and publishing my book.” Yet somehow, I was never applauded by my students for that! Were you?

truffula–great (if extremely annoying for you) examples of exactly what I’m talking about. Someone else’s pregnancy is just a pregnancy–it’s not about you, the pregnant person owes you nothing, and if you feel the need for some bizarre reason to “share” tacky jokes and your own unresolved feelings about reproduction with the pregnant person–PLEASE DON’T! It’s really not about you. I am sorry you were treated like such a freak, truffula. (Nice touch with the futon, though–I hope that went some way towards making it up to you.)

By: truffula

truffula — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 10:23:09 +0000

It seems to me that if your professor isn’t talking about her pregnancy, she’s giving you all the clues you need about how to interact with her about it.

My department (a science department) goes in for social events so for most of us, this sort of stuff is out there unless you really don’t want it to be out there. That’s problematic in its own right, but there is room for individual preference. My own experience was that some of my colleagues’ reactions to my pregnancy were more complicated and less pleasant than students’ reactions. I was told by a childless colleague that my pregnancy caused her distress. I was asked by a male colleague if the “real father” was a researcher in our field at another institution. I reported the latter to my (male) department chair, who did nothing, I had to handle this situation myself (the same chair added a futon to our lounge so I could take naps while pregnant).

By: ej

ej — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 04:58:14 +0000

I have to say, I found being pregnant while standing in front of a classroom odd. I try very hard not to introduce my personal life into my classes, but this time, it was sort of unavoidable. I didn’t want to discuss it with them. They aren’t my friends or my colleagues. In part, this was because my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, so I was very cautious about going public with the second. But also because I like to be in control of what information I share with my students, and once I was visibly pregnant, it was out of my control. Also, I really am not comfortable with the cheers that follow announcements of being pregnant. I was very happy to be in that state, but to me, you say congratulations after someone has accomplished something notable. Getting pregnant wasn’t an accomplishment. I had sex. Not nearly as difficult as writing and publishing my book.